cshoremom
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“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.” ― Mother Teresa
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Post by cshoremom on Mar 20, 2017 15:49:59 GMT -5
Maybe I am old fashioned, but I am wondering what happened to etiquette lately. We attended a wedding in early August, and still did not receive a thank you. In the whole scheme of things, it really is no big deal. But to me it just seems like people expect you to attend their big day and bring a sizable gift , but they don't feel like they have to say thanks… I know people are busy… but just a note of appreciation. This is the same gal that did not send any thank you's for her baby shower in 2011 or in 2015. Now baby #3 is due next month. Some people just don't "do" thank you notes, I get it… and they are busy… they have 2 kids, 3rd on the way, just bought a house, fixing it up…. My BFF's daughter in law did not send out thank you's for their wedding or when their baby was born. We could not attend the wedding as it was out of state and time/ finances did not allow for a big trip , so I sent a check, and when baby was born I sent several outfits and a few other items, but when I did see them, she gave me the most heartfelt thank you, so I felt that she really , truly was appreciative . She said she just has a hard time doing thank you notes. And I feel fine with that. But this other couple … I just feel annoyed… LOL… She acts entitled, and her "stress" is so much worse than anyone else's, blah, blah, blah….…. so maybe that is it….It just seems sad that you can expect people to do for you, but feel you don't have to show appreciation. If she were younger, I'd say she just doesn't know any better… but she's 27… not that young. Are thank you's a thing of the past??? Do you have up to a year to write them? By that time nobody remembers that you didn't send one, so problem solved.  ……. Anyway, that's my rant for the day….Thanks for listening ( reading) . I feel a little better. |
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kelly12
Oldies but Goodies
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Post by kelly12 on Mar 20, 2017 21:28:59 GMT -5
Yes,I agree--------I sent a check to a friend's Son when they had a party for him when he got out of the navy and I had a beautiful cArd specially printed online for him and they never mentioned it nor thanked me.
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lucy
Oldies but Goodies
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Post by lucy on Mar 21, 2017 8:20:07 GMT -5
I admit - I failed in this area.....but force myself to improve as I get older. (I have a stack of thank you notes to write and mail today ) Thanks for the reminder. For me - I simply wasn't taught to do this.....learned about it when dh's aunt chewed me out when I was 22......I learned a lesson !!  (Everyone really does need an aunt like this to set us straight)....since then I buy thank you notes, buy stamps, think about sending them, and then work on doing it) |
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lucy
Oldies but Goodies
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Post by lucy on Mar 21, 2017 8:21:50 GMT -5
I guess you could always send a thank you note for the invitation to attend the event - tell that you had a great time, and then ask - did you get my gift ?
that almost requires a response.....via a thank you note, a call, or some form of contact.
I think that would be a nice way to call them out.
Unlike dh's aunt.....she cornered me at a thanksgiving family event, backed me against the wall, and explained (with finger wagging under my nose) about how thank you notes work......
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cshoremom
Mod Squad
“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.” ― Mother Teresa
Posts: 4,170
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Post by cshoremom on Mar 21, 2017 9:45:35 GMT -5
Nah... don't want to call her out on it...I think it's just her way.. probably not taught to do it...and I don't believe it wa x an intentional snub... I guess it's probably just because I was taught to write thank yous as a child and taught my kids to do the same.. I am probably being too sensitive but it feels like an insult to not get one for something big like a wedding...certainly, I need to let it go... You give a gift to celebrate the event , not to get a thank you... I know ....
And personally, I love to write thank yous.. even for little gifts or something nice someone did for me.. it's important to me to let them know how much it meant. I realize it is a chore for some, and I don't think that they intend to give the impression that they are not thankful or appreciative. Anyway ..it bothered me yesterday. .. not as much today
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Post by bronte73 on Mar 22, 2017 10:54:30 GMT -5
I guess you could always send a thank you note for the invitation to attend the event - tell that you had a great time, and then ask - did you get my gift ? that almost requires a response.....via a thank you note, a call, or some form of contact. I think that would be a nice way to call them out. Unlike dh's aunt.....she cornered me at a thanksgiving family event, backed me against the wall, and explained (with finger wagging under my nose) about how thank you notes work...... I'm sorry but this visual just made me laugh! Cshore - I agree. To me, there is no real excuse for not sending out thank-yous for something like a wedding or baby gift or what have you. I know some people maybe are not taught to do that, but I don't buy the "I'm too busy to do it." They probably aren't too busy to scroll through Facebook or do Netflix binges. And they were definitely not too busy to open and use the gift you sent. So, I get not getting taught. I don't get I'm too busy. I guess maybe I'm a bit too close to that aunt Lucy mentioned! lol Just for the record, I wrote out my thank yous in the car on the way to our honeymoon. It was 15 hour trip, so it was easy to get them done and I had like 500 people to send thank yous to! I also make my kids write thank you notes for Christmas, birthdays, etc. because for some people it really IS a big deal and very offensive if you don't. I'm not quite as hard-nosed as my mom about it (she has stopped giving people gifts if they never send a thank you), and if someone thanks me in person or by email/Fb, I'm okay with that. I still make my kids actually write thank yous, though because I just think that's good manners, and especially for the older generation, it's kind of a big deal to them. I recently made a baby sack/hat for a fellow teacher whose wife was having a baby. I've yet for her to say thank you to me - not even via FB or something. I'm trying to just view it as she has a new baby and she's busy and let it go. When you have certain manners engraved into you, it's sometimes hard to let them go. I guess I'm showing my age! |
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cshoremom
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“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.” ― Mother Teresa
Posts: 4,170
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Post by cshoremom on Mar 22, 2017 14:19:28 GMT -5
I also make my kids write thank you notes for Christmas, birthdays, etc. because for some people it really IS a big deal and very offensive if you don't. I do , too, and now they just know it's something they need to do.
If someone thanks me in person or by email/Fb, I'm okay with that. I still make my kids actually write thank yous, though because I just think that's good manners, and especially for the older generation, it's kind of a big deal to them.
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Post by citylights on Mar 22, 2017 19:36:39 GMT -5
I actually don't think that it's that big of a deal, to be honest, although in the case of gifting cash, it is nice to know that the recipient did receive the gift.
Now it's NICE to send a thank-you, but I don't see it as being required. I suppose that is because I, personally, do not EXPECT to receive a thank-you.
I never buy a gift with the expectation of receiving something (a thank you note) in return.
Now a verbal .... I appreciate that.
But hand-written ..... I don't think you're being old fashioned .... I just think that how you feel about it is how you feel .... and that's ok.
For the record, my daughter's wedding was Oct 22, & she had all her thank-you notes finished maybe by February.
She sent out the thank-you's right away for those who gifted cash to her & R.
She & R even sent dad & me a thank you! I thought that was so sweet. But I didn't expect it.
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Post by bronte73 on Mar 23, 2017 21:24:59 GMT -5
I actually don't think that it's that big of a deal, to be honest, although in the case of gifting cash, it is nice to know that the recipient did receive the gift. Now it's NICE to send a thank-you, but I don't see it as being required. I suppose that is because I, personally, do not EXPECT to receive a thank-you. I never buy a gift with the expectation of receiving something (a thank you note) in return. Now a verbal .... I appreciate that. But hand-written ..... I don't think you're being old fashioned .... I just think that how you feel about it is how you feel .... and that's ok. For the record, my daughter's wedding was Oct 22, & she had all her thank-you notes finished maybe by February. She sent out the thank-you's right away for those who gifted cash to her & R. She & R even sent dad & me a thank you! I thought that was so sweet. But I didn't expect it. I don't give things to get a thank-you, but I just think it is good manners. I suppose that is because that is the way I was raised - you get a gift of any kind and you send a thank you note. I still drilled into me because I write thank yous for Christmas gifts and stuff. My son wrote out a boat load of thank yous for graduation. I just think it is the least I can do when someone takes the time to attend my event or pick out a gift, but again, I grew up with that expectation. |
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lucy
Oldies but Goodies
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Post by lucy on Mar 24, 2017 9:23:50 GMT -5
All my thank you notes are in the mail ! maybe not the quickest.....didn't get them in the first week, but by the end of the 2nd week. |
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cshoremom
Mod Squad
“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.” ― Mother Teresa
Posts: 4,170
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Post by cshoremom on Mar 24, 2017 11:16:32 GMT -5
All my thank you notes are in the mail ! maybe not the quickest.....didn't get them in the first week, but by the end of the 2nd week. SO funny! And… you're Welcome! hahahhaha  |
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BC
Oldies but Goodies
"For all Your goodness I will keep on singing, ten thousand reasons for my heart to find."
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Post by BC on Mar 24, 2017 11:41:43 GMT -5
I don't know if it's generational or not. Paper mail seems to be rare these days though, so folks who weren't taught to do it, may not even think to do more than a thank-you-text or message or whatever. ??
I don't like it when there's no confirmation b/c I always worry that things don't get to them, and they think I've forgotten them, or whatever. (Not to mention the $ spent and you don't even have a way of knowing if your gift was misdirected and the $ wasted, or something.)
My husband's nephew got married a few years back and we ordered a place setting of their china from the gift registry from the department store. (You know the way where the dept. store contacts the bride/groom and lets them know it's there for them and they pick it up.)
Well, we never heard anything.
So, a few months later, I messaged him and asked him if they'd received it.
No response.
And, he was taught better. His mother might be mortified if she knew.
But, whatever.
It was $150 -- hope they got it and are enjoying it.
I'm sorry. ((hug)) That's no fun.
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(Everyone really does need an aunt like this to set us straight)....since then I buy thank you notes, buy stamps, think about sending them, and then work on doing it)
