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Post by kidsandpets on May 22, 2016 15:36:01 GMT -5
Any suggestions?
Lack of grasping when its time to stop being silly and be serious and listen has been causing trouble in our house lately - especially in the last couple of days. I know this can be an issue for boys especially. DS is not quite 7 - he'll be 7 in the beginning of July.
In talk I just had with him (after he got in trouble for being silly and not listening to me when I needed him to seriously listen), I told him that if he hears me say the words "I'm being serious", he needs to settle and listen seriously. My theory is he has a defined verbal cue, that will help him understand what I need him to do.
But I'm just making this up as I go. Anyone have anything that has worked to help kids settle and be serious long enough to listen? (Boys especially but girls too - since mine often seem to get wound up together. DD is 4 btw.)
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lucy
Oldies but Goodies
Posts: 1,353 
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Post by lucy on May 23, 2016 20:47:54 GMT -5
It's been a while, my boys are older....but I think I worked it into our routine.
Say in the summer, if we had play time, then chore time, then going out to do something - like swimming, or park, or library, then errands, say grocery, or something. then back home.
I would have never planned on the boys at that age having the attention span to be serious or behave well, without breaks. If we ran an errand (grocery), then it was back home for play time.
Or we would have fun time (park, pool), then chores.
By trying to balance out the day, consistently, the boys knew they would have exercise/play / run around time, mixed in with being well behaved (library or errands).
Other then that...maybe something more obvious - like - if I am wearing the Chewy mask from star wars, you can be silly and cut up. If I am wearing make up and church clothes, then it's time to be serious.
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Post by kidsandpets on May 23, 2016 20:59:42 GMT -5
That makes sense. We do try to do that kind of thing.
I think my problem is less extended periods during the day and more "I need your serious attention just for a minute" kind of thing.
Example: My parents came by on Saturday. DS (and DD both actually) were not listening seriously to me to the point where they were going to get themselves in a dangerous situation with my dad moving his truck. Granted, there were extenuating circumstances there - excitement over grandma and grandpa being here. But this kind of inability to settle down just for a moment and listen seriously to me was an issue all weekend long (my parents were only here a few hours.)
Both (but DS espeically) look at me, laugh around while I'm talking and don't hear that I am trying to tell them something important. He (they) are not blatantly trying to ignore/disregard/disobey me - the problem seems to be with knowing they need to be serious in this moment. Its not a constant, every time thing (usually) - this last weekend about drove me crazy though! We are able to have serious times during the day.
But how do I take a wound-up, active, distracted, playing boy and get his serious attention long enough to give him important information - like get out of the driveway because grandpa is goign to move the truck??
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bookie
Oldies but Goodies
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Post by bookie on May 23, 2016 21:13:02 GMT -5
So I have a 7 yo girl but I also sub teach a lot. 2 things-1. Make sure you have his snd her attention. Say it once calmly and quietly. Have them repeat it back to you.
Also give them the expectation in advance. Say "when we are in the store, this is what I need you to do". Also role play. You be the kids, they be the adults. See if they understand what they are doing wrong.
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Post by kidsandpets on May 23, 2016 22:14:03 GMT -5
Thanks! Some of that I do. I will try some changes too. I can see the role play maybe working well for us.
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lucy
Oldies but Goodies
Posts: 1,353
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Post by lucy on May 24, 2016 7:34:01 GMT -5
In the case of the truck backing up - if I had said it once, and they didn't behave, then I would create a safe place (maybe porch, or side walk or by a tree) and grab them, physically move them, and then make them stand there. That is a life safety issues and they need immediate response to that demand from you.
We live in a house where our driveway ends in a busy road. If I yell STOP...then I mean, STOP and right then, not in another 100 feet or 200 feet or in 6 minutes.
Even being silly and excited - they should learn from your tone of voice which commands need to happen now and which commands can be in the next 5 minutes.
STOP or MOVE or WAIT is a now order. Please clean your room can be in the next few minutes as they wander back , use the restroom, finish a tv show, etc
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erinjo
Mod Squad 
His steadfast love is better than life!
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Post by erinjo on May 28, 2016 7:09:33 GMT -5
Issues of safety are, in my mind, often times when corporal punishment needs to happen. If you are trying to teach your son to attend to you in places where he may be in danger, that is the time to give ONE clear direction and then to IMMEDIATELY give a consequence when he does not obey. In my house that would be a spanking, but it doesn't have to be. Whatever your most serious consequence is, this is the time for it. This is VERY IMPORTANT. Better a sore bum than a broken arm or worse.
Often I have found that physical touch is necessary to get my kids from crazy to calm. Not punishing touch. When Gracie (who just turned seven) is wound up and wild I will make her come to me and I will hold onto her, hug her and cuddle her even. Mama's calm touch can often make her calm down.
I would def. talk about this with your kids when they are NOT wound up and silly. Because when you're feeling silly, EVERYTHING seems silly, even mom's voice saying "I'm SERIOUS!" Train them when you're away from the silliness, so that they know what is expected. And don't give them a bunch of warnings. Immediate consequences are really important.
<3
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Post by kidsandpets on May 28, 2016 10:09:34 GMT -5
THanks ladies! You've all given me some ideas!  |
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