Kinsa
Oldies but Goodies
Posts: 787 
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Post by Kinsa on Feb 3, 2016 19:12:33 GMT -5
The whole girlfriend thing is just crazy.
Ds20 - He has been in a courtship with his girlfriend for FOUR years! I do believe they intend to marry someday, hopefully when he's out of college. They are two peas in a pod, really. Best friends. BUT, I don't understand their relationship. They are so content to NOT see much of each other. Their relationship moves along like molasses. It's weird. (LOL)
Ds20 (the other one) - He's a confirmed bachelor. I'll be surprised if he ever marries. (LOL)
Ds18 - He's been seeing a lovely girl from our church, since last spring. She and he are going to be attending the same college. Yikes. I hate to think what that might mean. Oy vey.
Ds16 - I hate to say this, but I am SO HAPPY that he and his girlfriend appear to have broken up. He hasn't said anything to me about it, but I haven't seen nor heard anything from her since before Christmas. I'm pretty sure they are finished. And I really can't say I'm upset about it. My son was in WAY too deep with her, and she was a bit... um... how do I say this nicely?... "too knowledgable" for him. Plus, she had serious... um... "issues". No, not sorry to see that one end. They had been a couple for about a year and a half, against my wishes.
Can't we just jump from innocent kid to married, and skip all the in between stuff? It sure would be easier on mama! (LOL)
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Post by carrieinwi on Feb 3, 2016 19:43:21 GMT -5
I am happy to have avoided the issue for this long, but my days are numbered.  |
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psychrn
Oldies but Goodies
Posts: 26
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Post by psychrn on Feb 3, 2016 21:33:23 GMT -5
Last year was very dramatic on the girlfriend front. DS17's GF of 2 years (2 years his senior) broke up with him when she went to college (as we expected she would). It was ugly, and sad. Now they are friends, I think, and she has apologized to DH and I for some things that affected us. DS15 and his GF (also 2 years his senior) got into all kinds of trouble together. Let's just say we had to go so far as to install a security system in our house and put a tracker on his phone, threaten to pull him from all activities, and talk to school administration. This was my "perfect" child who has never gotten in trouble in school, ever. Makes straight A's in everything, blah blah blah. I guess he had enough of being perfect. Something "kicks in" at some point, and they lose their minds  It was the most helpless I have ever felt. |
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Post by Elliefunt - Debbie on Feb 4, 2016 7:35:57 GMT -5
Us too!
My oldest will be 18 in a few weeks. She likes boys but is a odd mix of introvert/extrovert. When she does talk to boys it comes across as snarky/sassy. She's like me. I warned her that it will take strong man to see through that sass. Like her Dad did with me. I told dh she will meet her husband at college. I just have a feeling.
My youngest is a social butterfly. Hangs out in a group of girls/boys some that are dating each other. Big groups go to dances - us parents arrive to take pictures and shuttle them off. She's pretty sassy herself, but I see her more of a flirting type. So a boy will see that and be attracted.
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cshoremom
Mod Squad 
“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.” ― Mother Teresa
Posts: 4,170
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Post by cshoremom on Feb 4, 2016 7:39:41 GMT -5
Last year was very dramatic on the girlfriend front. DS17's GF of 2 years (2 years his senior) broke up with him when she went to college (as we expected she would). It was ugly, and sad. Now they are friends, I think, and she has apologized to DH and I for some things that affected us. DS15 and his GF (also 2 years his senior) got into all kinds of trouble together. Let's just say we had to go so far as to install a security system in our house and put a tracker on his phone, threaten to pull him from all activities, and talk to school administration. This was my "perfect" child who has never gotten in trouble in school, ever. Makes straight A's in everything, blah blah blah. I guess he had enough of being perfect. Something "kicks in" at some point, and they lose their minds It was the most helpless I have ever felt. Yep… I hear you…. I have ds- 17 and almost 16 yo ds. ( and a 22 yo DD, a Senior in college… she spoiled us into thinking parenting was easy and made us believe that there are indeed children who need no monitoring or checking-up on LOL) We have had a couple of instances of "less than smart" choices and actions with both ds's……..It's heartbreaking, disappointing (and horrifying sometimes). It's shocking how you put every ounce of energy and so much love into raising them well, teaching them right from wrong and they are , literally, "perfect" children ( I describe all 3 of my kids that way), yet they still do stupid, reckless things….and not always harmless, "oh, that's just a normal boy-thing" things…literally, things that could ruin their lives... Aiaiaiyiiii!! I feel like all I do is look at them, make sure they look "normal"… do their eyes look funny? Who were they with? ( We grill them about who they are hanging out with… constant texts… where are you… what are you doing… when will you be home... Check their pockets before I throw in the laundry, praying I don't find anything that would shock me, yet praying I DO find it if I need to… not even sure what I am looking for….I keep up with their grades weekly on the school's parent portal…. hoping that D- on the last quiz is truly them just being lazy and not the start of some downward spiral……. My Mom never told me that this would be so hard….. ( though my sister and I were basically great children…..  ) Yet, I tell her some of the worries I have…and in her 86 year old wisdom, she just smiles and says " They're kids…they are normal…. just pray… be aware…. talk…." She is so smart. I am so very grateful for my DH , even more so at this point in our lives. He is on the same page as me as far as what is acceptable, and what is not. He's the more realistic one and helps me to settle down about SOME things and makes me more aware of things I should be more aware of. We are a team as far as disciplining ( and being consistent with our expectations of them). And the boys…… they are teens… they are popular and well liked…( by their peers, teachers and even the elderly ladies at church) , they have loving, kind, compassionate, grateful hearts……and they still do dumb things! Despite how loved and supported they are by family , the careful upbringing………….. I pray every day that we will get through this stage in one piece!!!  |
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cshoremom
Mod Squad
“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.” ― Mother Teresa
Posts: 4,170
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Post by cshoremom on Feb 4, 2016 7:57:00 GMT -5
Oh….. and I haven't even gotten to the girlfriend ……… Ds1 has had the same GF, it will be 2 years in April………. I feel the need to monitor them all the time… Our rule is: you may only be home or at her house if a parent is home…( preferably here…. I monitor them!! And ds seems fine with it) here, they have to have door to his bedroom open( PS4 is in their room….this has been a battle for the entire time they have dated… "come out to the living room".Losing battle…. DH is the " blanket monitor". Walking by the room , dh noticed them sitting on the couch with the comforter over them  …. (he is my hero)… Just rips it off!!! I love him… Me, I'd be , like " Um, guys, no blankets please…. Ok???" We have had her Mom over for dinner … to talk, make sure we are all on the same page... DS2 had a GF for about 8 months when he was 13/14…. Too much "drama"…. Fine with me... |
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Kinsa
Oldies but Goodies
Posts: 787
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Post by Kinsa on Feb 4, 2016 8:19:08 GMT -5
Groan, cshore. All I will say is that I totally relate to every word you said. It is exhausting, and heartbreaking. You just want to shake them until sense comes through!
If I'm reading between your lines correctly, it sounds like we've walked pretty much the same path.
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cshoremom
Mod Squad
“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.” ― Mother Teresa
Posts: 4,170
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Post by cshoremom on Feb 4, 2016 8:32:11 GMT -5
Groan, cshore. All I will say is that I totally relate to every word you said. It is exhausting, and heartbreaking. You just want to shake them until sense comes through! If I'm reading between your lines correctly, it sounds like we've walked pretty much the same path. It is encouraging to know that others ( great parents like you!) are going through it , too… Not that you WANT others to have issues, of course not… But that nice, normal moms and dads can also have struggles with their sweet, wonderful children…. We will get through it… and our kids will, too! It is exhausting…. scary!  |
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justmae
Oldies but Goodies
Posts: 210
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Post by justmae on Feb 7, 2016 21:14:38 GMT -5
Ds2, now 19, is the only one with a close girl friend, not to be confused with girlfriend I am told. They text multiple times a day. They went to prom together. Occasionally he goes to her house to watch movies. He accompanied her on her many Christmas shopping trips. She invites him weekly to go out but he says he can't afford to, but has money. At yet when they are together they appear as a couple. I think they are just in a comfortable place of close friends, thankfully, but dh and I are often confused as he has no intentions of dating other girls. And she broke up with her boyfriend as soon as we moved back.
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lucy
Oldies but Goodies
Posts: 1,353
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Post by lucy on Feb 8, 2016 8:40:07 GMT -5
A mom w/ a son older than my kids once told me......never like the girlfriend/boyfriend too much - because the kids will dump them on principle....and never dislike them too much (or at all), because that will be the one that hangs around forever.
It's a strange time period......having the random girls come in and set the pace of the house......most are decent and normal and lovely people....and most are WAY MORE EMOTIONAL then all of my family put together. I guess a house of all boys just doesn't get wound up on issues.....
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