lambs
Oldies but Goodies
Posts: 111 
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Post by lambs on Jan 5, 2015 15:06:43 GMT -5
So, if your 10th grader came home and said so&so is pregnant, and he grew up with so&so, and you and so&so's mom are friends... not wonderful friends but you love her and enjoy spending time with her (altho you never do)... and you have always liked so&so a lot because she's friendly, sweet, outgoing, kind... altho you knew that so&so was probably going to get into trouble because of who she picked for friends and how she dresses and holds herself, etc... but you still wish it wasn't so...
do you say anything to so&so's mother? Do you offer support or at least let her know that the whole school is apparently discussing this situation?
I do not know if this is true, but so&so was discussing it with her friend (how she thinks she is) and said friend then discussed it with HER friend (which happens to be my son). It could all very well be gossip... but, if I were so&so's mother, I'd want to know if that was going around about MY daughter.
I don't know... to approach or not to approach? We don't SEE each other so I would be sending her facebook message (I don't have her phone number anymore, nor do I ever see her in person... but we do converse occasionally via facebook... we were closer in the past than we are now... when the kids were in elementary school, etc.).
Sigh... I'm praying about it, but thought I'd ask what the appropriate thing to do is.
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Post by countrygrl112 on Jan 5, 2015 15:18:11 GMT -5
Nope. Wouldn't say anything with it being just gossip. If the girl only said she thinks she is, she probably hasn't told her mom yet.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2015 15:22:10 GMT -5
Absolutely not. No question about it. Do not say anything.
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lambs
Oldies but Goodies
Posts: 111
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Post by lambs on Jan 5, 2015 15:23:40 GMT -5
Nope. Wouldn't say anything with it being just gossip. If the girl only said she thinks she is, she probably hasn't told her mom yet.
If it's NOT gossip, I would want the support of other mom's (not to tell her everything is fine and dandy, but to support her in other ways).
If my daughter was keeping it from me, I would also want to know that.
But, maybe you're right. Sigh...
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Post by kidsandpets on Jan 5, 2015 15:27:29 GMT -5
I'm of the opposite thinking.
I would want to know as the parent. Honestly, if a friend of mine knew knew (or even suspected, even if it turned out to be only gossip) and didn't talk to me about it, I would probably be hurt and angry. An ADULT child - no way I'd say anything (or be hurt if I wasn't told.). But a HIGHSCHOOL child, I would absolutely want to know and would likely share with another parent. Even if its only rumor, I'd want to know that kind of rumor was going around about my child.
BUT, since she only "thinks" so far, I would probably give it a week or so to give the teen a chance to tell her mom first.
That's just me though...
Praying about it - and the specific people involved - is the best response. And then go where God leads.
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lambs
Oldies but Goodies
Posts: 111
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Post by lambs on Jan 5, 2015 15:31:33 GMT -5
I'm of the opposite thinking. I would want to know as the parent. Honestly, if a friend of mine knew knew (or even suspected, even if it turned out to be only gossip) and didn't talk to me about it, I would probably be hurt and angry. An ADULT child - no way I'd say anything (or be hurt if I wasn't told.). But a HIGHSCHOOL child, I would absolutely want to know and would likely share with another parent. Even if its only rumor, I'd want to know that kind of rumor was going around about my child. BUT, since she only "thinks" so far, I would probably give it a week or so to give the teen a chance to tell her mom first. That's just me though... Praying about it - and the specific people involved - is the best response. And then go where God leads. That's my thinking too... we are all in this together, kwim? And this girl... this sweet young girl who has been a part of our lives for so many years. Since kindergarten, so 11 years now. The mom, I'm pretty sure, has gotten a divorce this year... and has posted many cryptic messages on facebook about life lately... and love... and lack thereof, etc. She and I have had spiritual conversations before, but nothing more than her feeling the need to tell me that she wishes she had what I have... she wishes her kids would go to church with her, etc (she doesn't go herself tho). |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2015 15:37:54 GMT -5
You should definitely be there to support her if the child is pregnant. Without question, you should. But, IMO, it's out-of-line for you to be the one who tells the mother.
If the child doesn't know for sure she's pregnant, she's likely very early in the pregnancy. There will be plenty of time for supporting the mother.
If it's gossip, it was started by the child- not a 3rd party who's attempting to cause problems. That changes things. If it was a vicious kid trying to destroy an innocent person, this would be a different situation completely.
At the VERY least, I would give it a week and see where things fall. If you find out she's actually pregnant, offer to go with her to tell her mother. (Or give her a time frame before you speak to the parent) As a parent and as a child, I would be NOT happy if a 3rd party decided to take matters of information sharing into her own (even well-meaning) hands.
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Post by countrygrl112 on Jan 5, 2015 15:40:48 GMT -5
You should definitely be there to support her if the child is pregnant. Without question, you should. But, IMO, it's out-of-line for you to be the one who tells the mother. If the child doesn't know for sure she's pregnant, she's likely very early in the pregnancy. There will be plenty of time for supporting the mother. If it's gossip, it was started by the child- not a 3rd party who's attempting to cause problems. That changes things. If it was a vicious kid trying to destroy an innocent person, this would be a different situation completely. At the VERY least, I would give it a week and see where things fall. If you find out she's actually pregnant, offer to go with her to tell her mother. (Or give her a time frame before you speak to the parent) As a parent and as a child, I would be NOT happy if a 3rd party decided to take matters of information sharing into her own (even well-meaning) hands. This. Also, at this point, we can confirm that 2 people know she might be pg: your son and the mutual friend. Hopefully, it stays that way. It doesn't sound like it is being spread all over school or anything. |
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Post by kidsandpets on Jan 5, 2015 15:42:17 GMT -5
You should definitely be there to support her if the child is pregnant. Without question, you should. But, IMO, it's out-of-line for you to be the one who tells the mother. If the child doesn't know for sure she's pregnant, she's likely very early in the pregnancy. There will be plenty of time for supporting the mother. If it's gossip, it was started by the child- not a 3rd party who's attempting to cause problems. That changes things. If it was a vicious kid trying to destroy an innocent person, this would be a different situation completely. At the VERY least, I would give it a week and see where things fall. If you find out she's actually pregnant, offer to go with her to tell her mother. (Or give her a time frame before you speak to the parent) As a parent and as a child, I would be NOT happy if a 3rd party decided to take matters of information sharing into her own (even well-meaning) hands. I think this is why prayer is so VITAL here. Because we are all different. You would be upset if someone DID tell you - I would be upset if someone DIDN'T tell me. Truly only God knows what is needed for this family. We have a good God who knows us all and exactly what we need!  |
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lambs
Oldies but Goodies
Posts: 111
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Post by lambs on Jan 5, 2015 15:45:35 GMT -5
You should definitely be there to support her if the child is pregnant. Without question, you should. But, IMO, it's out-of-line for you to be the one who tells the mother. If the child doesn't know for sure she's pregnant, she's likely very early in the pregnancy. There will be plenty of time for supporting the mother. If it's gossip, it was started by the child- not a 3rd party who's attempting to cause problems. That changes things. If it was a vicious kid trying to destroy an innocent person, this would be a different situation completely. At the VERY least, I would give it a week and see where things fall. If you find out she's actually pregnant, offer to go with her to tell her mother. (Or give her a time frame before you speak to the parent) As a parent and as a child, I would be NOT happy if a 3rd party decided to take matters of information sharing into her own (even well-meaning) hands. This. Also, at this point, we can confirm that 2 people know she might be pg: your son and the mutual friend. Hopefully, it stays that way. It doesn't sound like it is being spread all over school or anything. It is, indeed, being spread all over the school. Sadly. But, I shall give it time. |
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Post by Madrede3 on Jan 5, 2015 17:14:08 GMT -5
(((Lambs)))
Praying for this girl and her family.
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yakky
Oldies but Goodies
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Post by yakky on Jan 5, 2015 23:24:45 GMT -5
Praying for this girl and her family. I'm also praying for you. I'm so proud that your heart wants to help and give encouragement. you have a heart that is so selfless and I Love that about who God has made you to be. I pray discernment from the Holy Spirit to really be upon you so that you can hear clearly what it is God wants You to do for this family. God has put a burden on your heart and I know you will be obedient in whatever way God wants. As you wait may you be emboldened with love and filled with compassion that can be poured over this family ... should all of this be true.
:bighug:
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lucy
Oldies but Goodies
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Post by lucy on Jan 6, 2015 7:52:43 GMT -5
if i knew the girl, i would reach out to her. offer support, love, and Godly wisdom. then ask the girl if you should talk to the mom or not
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BC
Oldies but Goodies
"For all Your goodness I will keep on singing, ten thousand reasons for my heart to find."
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Post by BC on Jan 6, 2015 9:22:06 GMT -5
Will pray for her...hope it's just a false alarm, and that it helps her to make better choices in the future.
Will pray for wisdom in discerning God's place for you in all of this. ((hug))
Of course, things are always different if you're in the situations, and hearing God's voice yourself.
So, outside of those things...just on the surface - I wouldn't say anything to her mother.
Now, of course, if God was leading me to do so, then that would be different. Otherwise, I wouldn't consider it my place to tell her. If your son is good friends with her, it may be that, if she is pregnant, you both can help her. He can maybe have her over and you can pray with her and try to give her some guidance..and like someone else mentioned, maybe ask her if she wants help telling her mom. :dunno:
I agree with the sentiment that there is plenty of time to support her mother (and her), without rushing in.
Hope that everything goes well.
HUG
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btid
Oldies but Goodies
Posts: 139
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Post by btid on Jan 7, 2015 10:59:02 GMT -5
I have been the target of slander and gossip, and I would want to know. I would respect and adore and trust your loyalty if you told me. A true friend is an honest friend. It hurts when you know people are talking about you but no one will tell you why. How can you defend yourself if you don't know what they are saying. Gossip destroys people. I would definitely love you forever if you told me.
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